Kids Quotes and Feelings on Divorce
View comments by children which express their emotions regarding:
Sadness
Fear
Guilt
Loneliness
Shock
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Acceptance
Codependency
Forced Adulthood Lasting
Effects of Divorce
Abandonment and Isolation
Confusion and Disorientation
Feeling torn between parents
How long does the emotional
trauma last
Read two short essays written by children
expressing their feelings on divorce and absent parents:
Submit your own child's word's on Divorce by E-mailing us,
and we will send your child $5 if we post it on our site.
SADNESS
"It has been four years since the divorce. I do not know what it is
like to love or be loved unconditionally. I find it hopeless to even try for
fear of this gut wrenching pain I knew/know from loving two of the most
wonderful people in the world, mom and dad. I do not know if I will ever heal,
when will this torment in my head and heart finally cease? I am 20 years old and
I want nothing to do with marriage nor children. I am chained by the wounds of
those that should have loved me the most, and I am confused"
Twenty-year-old woman
"I cry at night when I’m in bed, but my mom never knows."
Four-year-old girl
"I wouldn’t miss my dad so much if I didn’t hear my mom crying so
hard every night. It’s not fair my dad isn’t here to do his job."
Twelve-year-old boy
"It really hurt. It was hard for me to accept not being able to live
in the same house with both parents."
Teenage girl
FEAR
"Mom and I won’t have enough money to eat now or get a place to live. We hardly had enough money when dad was taking care of us."
GUILT
"My dad left because I wanted to ride my bike my way, and I told him to go away. He did and divorced my mom."
"If I had watched my baby brother when my mom was cooking dinner, then my mom wouldn’t have left me dad. It’s all my fault."
LONELINESS
"We’re half a family now--lonely."
"Holidays will never be any good any more."
SHOCK
"Unable to think, unable to feel, unable to grasp what had happened
to their lives. Unable to speak about it."
College age boy
DENIAL
"This can’t be happening to me. It can’t be true. This kind of thing only happens to other people, not me."
"My parents aren’t really getting a divorce. They just aren’t going to be married any more."
"Divorce--you mean the ‘D’ word. I don’t want to talk about it."
"My parents are both married to someone else, but they’ll get back together soon."
ANGER
"I was very mad at my father and I wanted him to die so I could
remember him the way he was before he left us, not what he had turned
into."
Nine-year-old boy
"I hate my sofa. It’s where my parents told me they were getting a divorce. I’ll never sit on it again."
"I’m always dreaming of my parents dying. They drink poison and scream for help. I can’t get through the door to help them. It’s my fault they die. I want to take poison and die too."
BARGAINING
"I’ll promise to make dad chocolate chip cookies every week. They’re his favorite. He’ll come back then."
"If I don’t fight with my brother any more will you come back and
live with us?"
Twelve-year-old boy
"If I go live with grandma can you and dad stay married?"
Seven-year-old girl
FEELINGS OF ABANDONMENT AND ISOLATION
"It makes me feel like my arms and legs aren’t attached."
Ten-year-old boy
"Daddy left. Will Mommy leave me too? What will happen to me?"
Eight-year-old girl
"Even when your dad is bad you don’t want him to leave because he’s
still your father."
Eight-year-old boy
CONFUSION AND DISORIENTATION
"I was real young. I didn’t know what was going on. I knew Dad was
missing, but I didn’t know why."
Eight-year-old girl
"I really didn’t understand at first. But as the years went by, I
thought it was my fault. It was a very confusing time for me."
Eighteen-year-old boy
"Divorce is like two lions in a den attacking each other. You know
somebody is going to get hurt real bad. All kids can do is sit behind a window
and watch it happen."
Nine-year-old boy
"My dad didn’t leave us. My mom took me while I was
sleeping and she left him. I didn’t even know about it."
Five-year-old girl
FEELING TORN BETWEEN PARENTS
"Dad couldn’t really be as bad as Mom says he is."
Nine-year-old girl
"My mom cries when I tell her about Dad’s girlfriend. I can’t
help it if I like her just a little. She’s nice to me."
Twelve-year-old girl
"I looked at my dad’s check from his boss. He makes lots of money
and tells my mom he’s poor. He’s a liar. I can’t tell him though, because
he might not like me."
Sixteen-year-old girl
"I don’t care who I live with. I love you both. Please don’t make
me choose--just tell me."
Nine-year-old boy
ACCEPTANCE
"I bet dad is really sorry he missed my eighth-grade graduation."
"I bed mom is going to miss seeing all the great things that are going to happen in our lives."
"I currently reside with my grandparents.
I have lived with them since I was nine. My mom and dad have both divorced three
times. I went through the first divorce and my mom’s second divorce. My
grandparents sheltered me from the other divorces."
Eighteen-year-old boy
CODEPENDENCY
"Dad left so suddenly that if I don’t take care of Mom, she might
leave me too."
Eight-year-old boy
"I think I felt I had to be strong for my mom and my little sister. I
had to be strong to help them through it . . . even though I was only five at
the time."
Fourteen
"In one day I could be a college student, my mother’s therapist, my
dad’s escort, and my brother’s mother. Small wonder I was a little ditzy
that year."
Nineteen-year-old woman
FORCED ADULTHOOD
"I hate it when my mom asks me how she looks. I don’t like being
put in that situation. I wish my dad were here to do it."
Fifteen-year-old boy
"My mom doesn’t think she’s a good cook. I don’t want her to
feel bad. So I tell her it’s good, just like Daddy used to do."
Eight-year-old boy
"I always check the liquor cabinet in the morning after they’ve
been fighting. I measure it."
Eight-year-old girl
"I hate my mom’s boyfriend but I don’t tell her. After all, she’ll
be alone someday when I’m gone, so I pretend I like him."
Thirteen-year-old girl
HOW LONG DOES THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA LAST?
When asked how long it took to get over the divorce some of the kids said:
 | "You never get over it." (Fifteen years later) |
| "I still haven’t." (Twelve years later) |
| "It’s been four years but I’m still not over it." |
| "It took me about seven years to really get over it." |
| "I wasn’t upset at the time. About a year later it hit and it lasted for a year." |
| "A few years of therapy." |
| "I still haven’t gotten over it. I may never." (Ten years later) |
| "Not long. My dad was pretty mean." |
LASTING EFFECTS:
| "To me, getting married is like walking over a mine field; you
know it’s going to explode . . . you just don’t know when!" College student |
| "I’ll probably grow up and get married and have babies, and then
I’ll get a divorce. Everybody does." Ten-year-old boy |
| "I was real young. I didn’t know what was going on. I knew Dad
was missing, but I didn’t know why." Eight-year-old girl
|
This Man
This man has changed my life. This man has taught me what I want out of life and what I don’t want. This man showed me right from wrong while helping me form my own opinions, values, and ideals. This man has no idea of the sort of impact he has had on my life. This man is not alive. This man is not dead. This man is my father.
As I think back over my childhood, he was never there to turn to for love, understanding, or even a hug. His cold-hearted attitude hurt, for I didn’t know why he treated me as if I were nonexistent. In every attempt I made to make contact with him, I was turned away, only to become more confused and hurt, not being able to understand why a little girl’s daddy did not want to see her. An obvious difference became apparent to me between my family and that of others as I saw the warmth and concern my friends’ fathers showed toward them. I reveled in any extra attention given to me by these fathers and acquired a special love and admiration for them. The feeling of acceptance by a father was irreplaceable since it proved that I was not incapable of being loved as a daughter and it was possible that the problem existed within my father and not within me.
This man has not shown pride in my accomplishments, nor has he denied credit for them. This man has not encouraged me. This man has acted as if he could care less one way or the other about me. This man has not been involved in my life. This man is not dead. This man is not alive. This man is my father.
Without his help and without his guidance I have had academic success, I have formed high morals and have developed strong personality qualities which will take me far. His lack of interest in my future goals and aspirations has done nothing to restrain me. If anything, it has motivated me to sow him up and prove that I can accomplish anything and I don’t need his support to do it. Without him there for my first date and without him there for my first heartbreak, I still proudly survived. I learned to stand tall and set my sights high and not lower my standards, values, or morals for anyone. Without him I learned to remain firm in my faith and stick up for what I believe in. I learned what I want for my own children and what I don’t want for them. Through his absent teaching by negation I have learned more from this man than anyone else I know.
This man has taught me how to laugh, love, and respect. This man has taught me the importance of friendships and the meaning of happiness. And most importantly he has taught me how to forgive. This man is not alive. This man is not dead. This man is my father . . and I love him.
Natalie Estruth (Cawood), Written in 1989
Originally published in Divorced Kids, 1990
Unwanted
(Recently we received this essay from a young
woman named Morgan.
Attached to it was a photograph of her dad in his sailor uniform holding her.
Morgan was holding her rag doll in one hand and some flowers in the other.)
My father holds me, a young sailor embracing his little girl, his little girl who thinks of him as her hero, her hero who can do not wrong.
The young sailor is unaware of the woman she is to become, unaware of the pain he is to cause to his future family, his family lifestyle he doesn’t want. He is unbeknownst that she will grow up and discover that he isn’t the hero as she once thought him to be.
Having the wilted flowers tucked away in a drawer from unnoticed beauty, she’ll discover how she wasn’t wanted in the first place and how though out her life, throughout all her mistakes, was only spared because of the woman holding the camera. She’ll become aware of how he will mistreat this woman, her best friend, and will see the real coward he is when, instead of taking life’s waves like the man he claims, he will leave his little girl, his little girl who idolized him so, as the head of this family, the lifestyle he never wanted.
By Morgan
If you would like to submit
any comments your child has
made about divorce you may e-mail them to us:
If we select your child’s comments to post on our web site
we will pay your child $5.