Communication

Open dialogue and 2-way communication is essential in parent-child relationships: Here are some communication skills you can use to improve your communication with your child:

	Use "I" messages instead of "you" messages.
	Always separate your children’s behavior from who they are.
	Encourage your children to try new things.
	Praise their effort, regardless of whether or not they succeed.
	Listen to your children, even if you don’t like what you hear.
	Ask your children’s opinions.
	Allow your children to make choices appropriate for their ages.
	Avoid labeling your children.
	Comfort your children and reassure them of your love.
	Protect your children from your disagreements with their other parent.
	Assure them the divorce was not their fault.
	Never let your children hear you criticize their other parent.
	Encourage your children to stay in contact with the other parent.

All Communication You have With Your Child Should
Encourage and Support Them:

HOW TO DISCOURAGE KIDS & HOW TO ENCOURAGE KIDS

    Discourage:                                       Encourage:
1. Negative expectations                  1. Positive expectations
2. Focus on mistakes                        2. Focus on strengths
3. Perfectionism                              3. Realistic expectations
4. Overprotection                           4. Realistic boundaries and rules

WORDS YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO HEAR

	I’m so lucky to have you
	You’re a great helper
	I like it when you try to hard
	Let’s talk about it
	I’m sorry
	You’re very special to me
	Thank you for being patient
	You’re a great kid
	I love you

How well do you know your child?

Living with a child means nurturing, scolding, talking and listening. It means doing things together and doing things apart. No matter how much time we spend with another person, there’s usually much we don’t notice or don’t know about a person.

Answer the questions on this quiz to find out for yourself how well you know your child. If you have more than one child you might want to use this questionnaire for each one. After you fill in the answers, schedule a time to sit down with your son or daughter to check how well you did on the test.

Not only will this quiz give you an opportunity to grade yourself, but also it can serve as a tool to learn more about your child. Perhaps when you are finished, your child will want to quiz you on some of these questions:

What really makes your child angry?
Who’s your child’s best friend?
What color would your child like his or her room to be?
Who’s your child’s hero?
What embarrasses your child most?
Would your child prefer a vanilla milkshake, a hot fudge sundae, or strawberry shortcake?
What’s your child’s favorite and least favorite subject in school?
In gym class, would your child rather play team sports such as football and basketball or individual sports such as long-distance running or weight lifting?
What’s your child’s biggest fear?
What name(s) is your child called in school?
What’s your child’s favorite music?
What’s your child’s favorite book?
What’s your child’s biggest complaint about the family?
What religious affiliation (if any) does your child have?
If you could buy your child anything in the world, what would be his/her first choice? Your first choice?
If you could do anything in the world for your child, what would be his/her first choice? Your first choice?
What’s your child’s favorite television show?
Of what accomplishment is your child the proudest?
What has been the biggest disappointment in your child’s life?
What chore (if any) does your child dislike the most; e.g. drying dishes, cleaning his/her room, taking out the trash?
Does your child feel too small or too big for his/her age (mentally as well as physically)?
What gift from you does your child cherish the most? This gift can be an object like a toy, abstract liking helping with homework or emotional like listening to problems.
What person outside the family has most influenced your child’s life?
When does your child prefer to do homework (if it’s done): right after school, after supper, before bed or in the morning before school?

Source: Naval Family Magazine

For more info on communication also see
Chapters 11 and 12 of Divorced Kids: What You Need to Know to Help Kids Survive Divorce.

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