Things to Try if Your Co-Parent Makes
Connecting With Your Child Difficult
Stay Consistent, continue to try to follow the co-parenting agreement.
Don’t engage in warfare in front of the children, but let the other
parent know you are not backing down when it comes to having a quality
relationship with your child, per your agreement.
Continue to contact your child on a regular basis. This does not mean three
or four times a day, but what is appropriate for your child’s developmental
stage.
Send your child postcards, pictures of children, cartoons, etc. from
magazines and newspapers. For older children, send an article on a subject
that might interest them. It is not appropriate to send items that could be
construed as bribes.
Connect with your child by volunteering to be a room parent or assist the
teacher with a class project or on a field trip. Become involved with your
child’s church, school, scouting, or sports program.
DOING "BUSINESS" AS PARENTS
1. Stay focused on your children--This is the reason for your
continuing relationship and communication with each other. Avoid personal issues
and past conflicts.
2. Be cordial, even when you don’t feel like it. Your
children will appreciate that their parents are at least civil with one another.
And it is good modeling for your children on how to respect others even I you
disagree with them.
3. Have an agenda for discussions--and stick to it. A specific
list of issues relating to the children is helpful in avoiding getting
sidetracked into extraneous and possibly conflictual subjects.
4. Have a co-operative attitude. Consider the other parent’s
feelings and opinions. Your children need input from both their parents. Proving
who is right or wrong is not helpful to the business at hand, and is most likely
based on past personal issues.
5. Be willing to negotiate. Even if you think you are 100%
"right," there are other valid points of view. Shutting the other
parent out of decisions regarding the children is not in their best interests.
6. Utilize a problem-solving approach. Avoid getting into power
struggles. If a particular suggestion will appear to solve the problem, then go
with it, even if the other parent suggested it. Remember that it is more
important to reach a solution than to have your own way.
7. Always place the children’s best interests and needs first, before
any other consideration. If both parents can do this, better decisions will
be made in less time and with less difficulty.
Source: Ron Neff, Conciliation Service
of the Superior Court of Arizona.
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