Developing Your Child's Self-Esteem
"A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby
leaves a mark."
Chinese proverb
"The little girl who is beaten will beat her doll
baby."
Russian proverb
For hundreds of years women in China bound their young daughters’ feet in order to hinder their growth. Although it was extremely painful and caused terrible deformity, mothers continued this practice through out the growing years because tiny feet and a dainty walk were considered very feminine and the only way a young woman could hope to marry.
These same mothers had horrible childhood memories of the excruciating agony they had experienced and how they cried out for relief. But when they grew up, married, and had daughters of their own, the crippled mothers would get out the bindings and wrap their own daughters’ feet, creating a new generation of crippled women.
Numerous studies reveal that we have a tendency to treat our own children as we were treated--the bad as well as the good. The very things we detested about our own parents are the things we find ourselves doing to our children.
Much like customs that are passed down from one generation to the next, our ability to raise children with high self-esteem depends upon our ability to develop and maintain high self-esteem ourselves. If we have low self-esteem, chances are that our children will have low self-esteem too; because we perceive and treat our children as we perceive and treat ourselves. If we devalue ourselves we devalue our children. It’s that simple. Children of divorce have a hard time feeling good about themselves, they need our assistance.
Divorce is one of the most negative marks that can be made on children because it knocks the emotional props right out from under them. But parents can take tangible, positive steps to minimize the damage of divorce and make it a growing experience for their children.
Kids who have the most difficult time with divorce usually come from families who have never coped well with other stressful events. Children who fared the best after the divorce were those who had a strong emotional center--those who felt loved, worthwhile, secure, and who learned to take responsibility for themselves and their reactions. Their emotional health stabilized them.
What are some of the things we can do to protect and nurture a child’s self-esteem?
 | PROVIDE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE |
| BE GENEROUS WITH TOUCH |
| TEACH YOUR CHILD IT’S OKAY TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS |
| PLACE NO CONDITIONS ON WHO THEY LOVE |
| GIVE YOUR CHILD VERBAL AFFIRMATION |
| MAKE SURE YOUR PRAISE IS SINCERE |
| DEVELOP A SENSE OF BELONGING |
| CREATE FAMILY TRADITIONS |
| DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE BEHAVIOR AND THE CHILD |
| ENCOURAGE A SENSE OF UNIQUENESS |
| NURTURE YOUR CHILDREN |
| MAKE SURE THEY FEEL WANTED, ACCEPTED, LOVED AND VALUED FOR WHO THEY ARE; NOT WHAT THEY DO |
| CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE IT IS SAFE TO TRY, EVEN FAIL, WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A FAILURE |
Copyright Laureen Johnson and Georglyn Rosenfeld, 1990.
Dr. Denis Waitley and Georglyn Rosenfeld have written six
audio cassettes on "How to Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem."
The tape titles include:
| The Incredible Journey Into Self |
| The Four Faces of Self-Esteem |
| The Mask of Low Self-Esteem |
| How Parents’ Self-Esteem Affects Children |
| How to Build Children’s Self-Esteem - Part 1 and Part 2 |
| How to Discipline with Love |
| Do’s and Don’t of Discipline |
| Television’s Impact on Children - Part 1 and Part 2 |
| Creativity in the Space Age |
| How to Motivate a Winner |
The program is available through: www.Waitley.com
or www.Nightingale.com
or by calling 1 800 323-5552
Another source to consider for building self-esteem in
yourself and your children is
Seeds of Greatness by Dr. Denis Waitley. Georglyn assembled research
material for the book and was a major contributor to chapter one, "The Seed
of Self-Esteem."
Natalie and her brother Nathan's dog, "Buckwheat" stars in this
chapter
and is a story you won’t soon forget.