Custody and Visitation Exchanges:
Helpful and Harmful Parent Behaviors
SMOOTH CUSTODY EXCHANGES ARE BEST FOR CHILDREN
Children from divorced households need to have contact with both parents.
However, exchanging youngsters from one adult to the other can be extremely
trying. Some exchanges can be so stressful that the involved children refuse to
participate at all. To facilitate smoother custodial exchanges, follow these
suggestions:
Encourage young children to bring familiar objects or toys with them
when they change households.
Maintain predictable exchange schedules. Consistent transitions mean
fewer changes in children’s lives and aid in the creation of secure
environments.
Avoid discussing anything with the other parent other than children’s
immediate needs, such as medicines, homework assignments or changes in
piano lessons.
If you and your former spouse cannot converse constructively, write
pertinent information on a piece of paper and exchange it without
comment.
Prepare children for impending exchanges. For instance, Connie
reminds 6-year-old Stephanie each Friday that her father will pick
her up at the house after school and take her home with him for the
weekend.
Manage personal hostility. Minimizing animosity toward your
ex-partner and focusing instead on the needs of the kids lowers
stress for all family members and makes for more successful exchanges.
Create a calm atmosphere. Avoid last-minute preparations.
Be prompt. Have children ready on time. Pick them up or drop them off
according to your plans.
If too much hostility prevents parents from being civil during exchanges,
make alternate exchange plans so parents do not have to have any contact.
For example, Ted picks up 10-year-old Nathan at his Cub Scout meeting on
Wednesday afternoons so he won’t have to see his ex-wife, Jennifer.
Be flexible to youngsters’ changing custodial needs. Young children
need short, frequent visits with non-custodial parents Older kids may want
longer periods of time at each household. Ongoing willingness to cooperate
and attention to youngsters’ needs are the key ingredients to successful
custodial exchanges.
By Linda Lewis Griffith
Scripps Howard News Service
More info on Visitation and Custody:
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