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Have you ever watched jugglers on TV or at the circus and marveled over their ability to keep so many balls up in the air without dropping them?
Each of us is a juggler in our own way. We are constantly juggling numerous "balls" or areas of our lives. Family, friends, and career are just a few most of us concentrate on. Add to that our physical, mental, emotional, financial and spiritual health. Each represents another "ball" we are trying to juggle. We like to play and have some hobbies or recreation, but we’re also concerned about our retirement fund. These two "balls" often work against each other.
As if life wasn’t already complicated enough, after a divorce it becomes much more difficult. Not only are you trying to juggle most of the "balls" you had prior to the divorce, but now you have more financial, household and emotional responsibilities than ever before and you’re trying to do it all by yourself. If you’re like most people going through a divorce, you’re absorbed with your own issues, angry, easily irritated, lose your temper more often than before, are less available emotionally and tend to withdraw from others, including your children. This only adds to the problem of keeping all the "balls" of responsibility in the air. Your children might begin to feel like they are "balls" being juggled back and forth between you and their other parent.
Some of us juggle more "balls" than others, but the more "balls" we are juggling the harder it is not to drop one. When jugglers drop a ball, they let it bounce and pick it back up without missing a beat.
Unfortunately it’s not always that easy in real life. If we give too much time and attention to juggling our work "ball" we might drop our family "ball" or one of our health "balls." Not every ball bounces back up. Some of our balls are made out of "glass" and some out of "rubber." When we drop a rubber ball like our job or hobby it can bounce back up in the form of another job or hobby. But when we drop a glass ball like our family or health it often shatters and can’t be repaired.
Each of your children are "glass balls" that are extremely fragile. A cutting remark or an insult about their absent parent can shatter their fragile self-esteem. Being emotionally cold towards them or not listening to their concerns causes all sorts of problems. Statistically, children have more behavior problems during and after the divorce, receive considerably percent less discipline, spend less time with both parents, do less homework and watch considerable more television. It becomes harder and harder to give your children the time and attention they need because you are so absorbed with your own emotional and survival issues.
Think about all the "balls" you are juggling right now. Decide which ones are "rubber" and which ones are "glass." Prioritize them and concentrate on the important ones. You’re probably going to have to let some of the rubber balls bounce on their own for a while while you concentrate on your precious children who are your "glass balls." Hopefully this web site will offer some helpful insight into what your children are experiencing so you will have some assistance and support in your juggling act with your own life and their other parent. Give your kids as much of your time and attention as possible so they can become emotionally strong and won’t be damaged when they are tossed back and forth between two parents they love.
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