EFFECTS OF CONFLICT AND DOMESTIC
ABUSE ON CHILDREN
"It is no accident that custody
disagreements are called fights and battles.
The participants are parents and children, and it is a war in which everyone
loses."
J. Nehis and M. Morgenbesser
It is normal for a child of domestic violence to manifest a multitude of symptoms. Outlined below are some common emotional, cognitive, behavioral, social, and physical effects of abuse experienced by children from violent households.
Emotional
 | feel guilty for the abuse and for not stopping it |
| grieve for family and personal losses |
| confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents |
| fear of abandonment, of expressing emotions, of the unknown, and/or personal injury |
| angry about violence and the chaos in their lives |
| depressed, feelings of helplessness and powerlessness |
| embarrassed by the effects of abuse and dynamics at home |
Cognitive
| blame others for their own behavior |
| believe it is acceptable to hit people they care for in order to get what they want, to express their anger, to feel powerful, or to get others to meet their needs |
| have a low self-concept originating from a sense of family powerlessness |
| do not ask for what they need, let alone what they want |
| do not trust |
| belief to feel angry is bad, because people get hurt |
| rigid stereotypes: to be a boy means...to be a girl means...to be a man, woman, husband, wife means... |
Behavior (often seen in opposite extremes)
| act out vs. withdraw |
| overachiever vs. underachiever |
| refusal to go to school |
| care taking, more concerned for others than self; parent substitute |
| aggressive vs. passive |
| rigid defenses (aloof, sarcastic, defensive, "black and white" thinking) |
| excessive attention seeking (often using extreme behaviors) |
| bed wetting and nightmares |
| out of control behavior, not able to set own limits or follow directions |
Social
| isolation from friends and relatives |
| relationships are frequently stormy, start intensely, and end abruptly |
| difficulty in trusting, especially adults |
| poor anger management and problem-solving skills |
| excessive social involvement (to avoid home life) |
| may be passive with peers, or bully peers |
| engage in exploitative relationships, either as perpetrator or victim |
| play with peers gets exceedingly rough |
Physical
| somatic complaints (head aches, stomach aches) |
| nervous, anxious, and short attention span (frequently misdiagnosed as being Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) |
| tired, lethargic |
| frequently ill |
| poor personal hygiene |
| regression in development tasks (bed wetting, thumb sucking/depending on age) |
| desensitization to pain |
| high risk play and activities |
| self abuse |
Source: Adapted from Domestic/Dating Violence, An Information and Resource Handbook, prepared by Audrey Mitchell.